The Hollywood women's group Vagin..er..Voices for a Senate Majority (pssst...you already have a majority) will be hosting what could be the hottest political event of the season on Sat, 9/27.

A minimum of $100,000 will be donated to Colorado's grassroots candidate Mark Udall by Hollywood's beautiful and brilliant. Code Pink's Jodie Evans, who is neither, will also be there. Interesting company to keep for someone so concerned with his reputation as a Boulder liberal. Lucky the folks back in Colo will never hear about it.

Mark Udall has had enough, dang it. The campaign launched the Debunker to rebuke all who dare represent Boulder's Rep as anything but honest, moderate and able to leap tall yurts in a single bound. Though details on so-called attacks are omitted (minutia like what exactly was said and who said it), each charge is effortlessly dismissed with a "nuh uh", "did not" or "just like Katrina" (that one's just a reflex).

The knot they tie themselves into trying to convince us that EFCA really wouldn't lead to the elimination of secret ballots in union votes is not to be missed. (Ben Degrow carries the load.)

Being visual folks, we're partial to their catchy little counter that keeps a live running tab on attack ads. Smelling suspiciously like a hit counter that started counting at 10,000,000, the amount increases at a clip that would end up at more than $25,000,000 by election day. That's $25,000,000 just in attack ads! (Black helicopters not included.) Guess that explains the fundraisers in San Francisco and Austin.

Udall's page has a rollover "What's this?" link that provides a rambling explanantion. (Do not miss it, hillarious.) Our's is more concise.

Let's see if it works:

The monotonous, woe-is-us emails blasted almost daily from Udall and Melanson read like texts from a 14-yr old left off the cheerleading squad. OMG :(

According to the Udall attack meter, that slam and accompanying graphic were worth $12,772.36. And I'm Dick Wadhams.

Candidate Grassroots is once again connecting with the folks of Colorado.

By having a fundraiser in Austin. Texas.

Hook 'em Tex. (dressed for the occasion)

Turns out frozen bigfoot was made out of rubber so why should we expect you to believe in something that's even less likely to exist? Because it's the National Taxpayers Union. You know - us, the people who pay taxes? And it's not a bad union to be in - no meetings, no "coercion" to join (unless you count the IRS) and you don't even need a Mark Udall-approved non-secret ballot to do so. The dues, however, are a bitch. The NTU grades Reps and Sens on their actual votes that affect taxes, spending, and debt. In their latest ratings (1st session, 110th Congress), Boulder's Rep. scored a dismal 5%. That's an "F" in most places, even Boulder (but you still get a rainbow sticker). In fact, that's even worse than DeGette and Perlmutter, both at 6%. [Holy crap, how can anyone running for statewide office do worse than DeGette on ANYTHING?] Frozen rubber bigfoot, an unabashed fiscal conservative, is rolling over in his dumpster. Believe it or not.

Always Buy Colorado

Hot from the bunker, the 2nd quarter fundraising specifics*:
	More than 62% of itemized contributions from individuals to the Udall campaign came from OUTSIDE OF COLORADO. Congratulations Congressman - that number went up, even we didn't think you had that in you (and we think you have a lot in you). .
	Three areas that remind everyone of Colorado - NY/NJ, DC/Virg and California - combined to provide more money than all of Colorado. A glaring 38% of the Q2 contributions were from those three areas alone. Always Buy Colorado, you can return it if it doesn't fit. .
	Sorry Denver. You may be the Queen City of the Plains and the eyes of the world will soon be upon you but Udall got more dough from the Big Apple. NYC: $129,683  Denver: $126,379 Fogetaboutit. .
	Boulder: $114, 875 Eldorado Springs: $0

Local... ... as in the Upper West Side, Georgetown and Santa Cruz (nice grass)

*Based on itemized contributions from individuals as listed in the Q2 FEC disclosures.

I'm late, I'm late for
A very important date.
No time to say hello, good-bye,
I'm late, I'm late, I'm..Fundraising!

After promising to vote against adjournment until an energy billed passes, Rep. Udall (Boulder) missed the vote because he was at a fundraiser in CO. Most reactions were predictable but one was delightful and refreshing:

He was screwing around in Colorado raising money for his campaign...He's not going to get away with it. We're going to shove a bunch of 30-second ads up his ass on this issue over the course of the campaign. This guy was fundraising in Colorado and missing votes. That is reprehensible."

What can we say? Sometimes sounding like George Patton beats sounding like a flight attendant.

And the reactions to the reaction :

Mark Udall: "Well we all need to come together to remove these ads from my ass. I'll work with both sides to replace them with a wind turbine that is safe for our kids and our environment. I've already voted 45 times to do so." Tara Trujillo: "It's easier to shove things up peoples' asses when you have Big Oil on your hands. If they had their way, they'd let Big Oil drill up there too. Thankfully, Sen. Salazar and Gov. Ritter are there. Big oil, big oil, big oil. " DSCC: "Aha! The macaca moment we've been waiting for! We'll get the media to repeat it over and over and every time they do, people will hear someone speaking like they do, direct and real. And every time they'll be reminded what Udall did to elicit such a response. Every time. Crap. Never mind"

California Raisin'

Listening to the Udall campaign crow about "grassroots" fundraising successes in the 2nd quarter reminded us of their "grassroots" fundraising successes in the 1st quarter*:

	Half of Udall's contributors were from OUT OF STATE whereas 86% of Schaffer's had Colorado addresses
	In the Udall campaign, 61% of the money raised from individuals came from OUT OF STATE. 87% of Schaffer's total came from residents of Colorado.
	More than 20% of the funds donated by individuals to the Udall campaign were from CALIFORNIA brah.

Bottom line - the "grassroots" candidate got a lot more grass from out-of-state roots than he did from those right here in Colorado.

*Based on itemized contributions from individuals as listed in the Q1 FEC disclosures. We will update for Q2 as soon as disclosures are available.

He could've put someone's eye out

Heavy on hand gestures but light on substance (working together is not a plan, it's a Wiggles song), Naropa's Rep. Udall came up short at the first 9News Debate & Brunch.

Taking what was left of the Adele Arakawa ice sculpture, the lefty from Boulder tended to both shoulders and ego and felt confident that he'd make his next start. "It's for the kids and polar bears, I'll be ready".

Looks shorter in person

July 4th is a busy day for all candidates in an election year. And though they would love to be in every parade and kiss every baby, candidates simply must resort to carefully selected surrogates for most events.

Giving credit where it is due, the Udall campaign was spot-on with their choice (pictured at right) to represent their candidate in Frisco.

Not that Boulder actually has an Independence Day Parade but the real Mark Udall chose the most un-Boulder locale he could for the 4th, appearing a million miles away in Greeley. Steeped in fine livestock tradition, our friends in Weld County know exactly what to do with bovine excrement when it comes their way.

CORRECTION: Apparently Greeley ain't that far from Boulder after all. As pointed out by a babe with a cocktail and a gun (works for us), the Stampede Parade Committee invited a "select group of elected candidates” to have their own entry and a prime (TV) spot at the front of the parade. The Sen. candidate from Boulder who does NOT currently represent Greeley gets a spot. The Sen. candidate from Ft. Collins who DOES currently represent Greeley gets the shaft.

Damn, now we're pissed again. Is there a sane place left in this state? Just maybe...

UPDATE: No Shot at Love w/ Barbara Boxer

The battle for Barbara Boxer's love is over and our guy Mark missed out on the final rose, an honor bestowed instead upon Texas candidate Rick Noriega (30%).

- At 24%, the first runner-up is self-professed porn author Al Franken (we like porn and sir, that is crappy porn). Should Noriega be unable to perform....

- Our guy Mark comes in third (9%) and pays $4.40 (shoulda gone to the whip)
.

The only thing better than Boxer wasting her efforts on a candidate with no chance of losing (we pulled for Warner, up by 30+ points) is Boxer wasting her efforts on one with no hope of winning (Noriega down by 17 pts and going nowhere). Job well done.

Enjoy the love junket Rick. Can you say tanned, waxed & ready? (Apologies to Nixon and those who spit up again.)

Now that's a party Thanks to Ben DeGrow for seeing the wisdom in our name choice even before we saw it ourselves (we sleep late, especially after taking a few shots in Lodo). In 2007, Rep. Udall (D-Boulder) co-sponsored the Employee Free Choice Act, an insidious bit of union sugar that would have eliminated secret ballots on votes to unionize. Turns out that just about 80% of everybody thinks that protecting one's anonymity in unionization votes is actually a fair thing.

(The bill stalled in the Senate, failing a cloture motion. Its likely resuscitation should be reason enough not to vote for anyone who backs it.) And who stands by Rep. Udall when 82% of all fellow Democrats jump ship? That's right -  Communist Party USA Commie party! Commie party! Commie party!

It gets better...

Rep. Udall's outstanding response to a constituent regarding his co-sponsorship of the EFCA (thanks to a watcher):

We learned something today. We learned that the most important thing is that those who oppose unions have the same opportunity to get their asses beat as those who support them. And that when unions do it, it's "undue influence" but when employers do it, it's "heavy-handed tactics, coercion and threats". Dude.

Take it away Johnny Sack...

Thanks Cuz

When his GOP opponent mistakenly attributed to him language in an appropriations bill that cut off access to untapped domestic energy supplies, New Mexico's Tom Udall had two options:

His campaign went with Door #2 - "Umm... Wrong guy." Lucky for us, the Udall who did introduce that language is all ours. We also say "Umm... Wrong guy" but we say it louder.

Shot at Love III with Barbara Boxer

Ala Tila Tequila, Sen. Barbara Boxer needs to choose a date from a select group of liberal senatorial candidates (we made the cut!) and she needs your help. The winner joins Babs on a love junket to Hedonism II in Jamaica (if that visual doesn't make you throw up in your mouth a bit than you have no mouth).

Now do your duty, go here and vote for Mark Warner: http://www.boxersloveshot.com

UPDATE 6/17/08: Crap, Gas Prices Still High

We are so pissed off. After such high hopes, all we got out of Reps Udall (D-Boulder) and Perlmutter (D-Arvada) was that gas prices were going to remain high and we need to be more fuel efficient. Eureka. No amulets, no fairy dust and the leprechaun was a no-show (emergency fundraising meeting w/ Hick & Ritter over lunch at the Palm).

The day was not a total waste of time. Besides the blackened weenies, we received a bonus economic education from spokesperson Tara Trujillo (London Sch. of Econ or University of Chicago? We have a staff bet, nothing on Wikipedia.) Seems that, despite evidence to the contrary (i.e. that gas prices are determined by a complex combination of world supply and demand, strength of the dollar, market speculation, costs and, oooh, profits), we are paying more than $4/gallon because Bob Schaffer once worked for Aspect Energy. (Shouldn't "Big Oil" at least entail that we've heard of them before?) Thanks professor.
.

ALERT 6/16/08: Gas Prices to Plummet Today

Reps Udall (D-Boulder) and Perlmutter (D-Arvada) are speaking today at some gas station on 58th to discuss their solutions for today's high gas prices. They will be handing out a limited supply of rainbow slurpees and incinerated jalapeno cheese dogs and an unlimited supply of big oil blame and reiterations of "we can't drill our way out/to...".

Early indications are that together they will call for government-funded research into magic transporting amulets and perpetual energy fairy dust (potential Boulder County-based programs cut by the Bush administration).

Glad we waited to
fill up the H1

And though both have opposed various forms of inland and offshore exploration, sources in each camp verify that they will support a long-term lease agreement with the leprechaun who owns the rights to the land at the end of the rainbow. "He's green, a minority and covered by the ADA. Scoreboard!"

Back in the days that don't count in state-wide races, Rep. Udall's (D-Boulder) issues page on national security referred to "the so-called "war on terrorism"" (see the cached version from 8/10/07). When the petulance (or potential political damage) of the term was pointed out by a blogger, the "so-called" was removed (current version here).

Fast forward to the current campaign issue page (at right) where the "so-called" is still gone, but "War on Terrorism" has ascended to the title.

No word if the blogger has been credited by the campaign.

Maybe they just ran out of room

UPERDELEGATE Saves the Day ♫♪

Rep. Udall (D-Boulder) boldly committed himself as a
uperdelegate for Barack Obama one day after Obama clinched the nomination.

At the same time, he also picked the Giants in the
uperbowl, Big Brown in the Kentucky Derby and Al Gore to win the Nobel Peace Prize.

Still waiting for his prediction on the urge.

San Franciscans For Udall

When it comes to getting to know the folks of Colorado, you just can't beat a friendly meet & greet...

...in San Francisco

...put on by Daily Kos and
Drinking Liberally

Department of Peace, man

Rep. Udall (D-Boulder) co-sponsored Rep. Kucinich's 2003 bill to create a Cabinet-level Department of Peace, an agency that would establish, among other things, a Peace Academy.

Bring the troops home and send 'em to Peace Academy.
Jihadists are unstrapping at the very thought of it.

UPDATE: No Department of Peace, man

In March, 2004, Rep. Udall (D-Boulder) withdrew his support for the Department of Peace bill, citing spending concerns relating to national defense and unbalanced tax cuts. Through his careful review (cunningly done after he signed on in support) he revealed that we were, in fact, at war and that the tax cuts that he voted against were, in fact, passed nonetheless. Behold the clarity of a Senate candidate.

In a speech on the House floor, he said that he had originally signed on "at the urging of a very persuasive group of young high school students from my district."

?!?

Phony Soldier meets Phony Congressman

Bravely risking his near DeGettian invisibility, Rep.Udall (D-Boulder) introduces the following resolution on 10/1/07:

Though he proudly introduced this resolution, it seems to have disappeared from his list of accomplishments. Turns out that Mr. Limbaugh was irrefutably referring to a specific person who claimed that he had witnessed U.S. atrocities while serving in Iraq though he had never been east of New Jersey (thus the cryptic "phony" reference). Jump, jump, jump...

You'd think that "Smears a private citizen on the House floor based on
inaccurate second-hand info" would've made the cut.